Batman Hates Meg Ryan
by Grendle1853
Summary: Diana decides that she wants to experience so called "Chick Flicks", and she decides that her boyfriend must experience them too.
1. Chapter 1

This fun little short was inspired by a video made by the Nostalgia Chick from TGWTG, take of that what you will.

Diana smiles as she inhales the delicious smell of the popcorn that she pulls out of the microwave. Her treat now in hand she floats over to sit on the couch next to her boyfriend and turns the channel on his giant TV until it hits the station she wants. "Want some?" she asks him holding up the bag full of buttery goodness.

Bruce simply glares forward. "Why are you making me do this?" he asks.

"Because almost all of the ladies in the League have suggested them to me, STARS is showing them all in a row, and I thought it would be nice for us to watch it as a couple" she explains.

As she's explaining this Alfred steps in. "Mistress Diana, Master Bruce, I'm going to be stepping out right now for..." he trails off into silence when he notices that Bruce is sitting on the couch with his arms tied to his side by his girlfriends golden Lasso of Truth. "Um...am I interrupting something?"

"Oh no Alfred, Bruce and I are just sitting down to watch a movie marathon," Diana cheerfully explains.

Alfred smirks a little bit at that. "Oh I see, well in that case I can understand. Really Master Bruce must you force the woman you love to take such drastic measures?" he asks.

Bruce Wayne slowly turns his glare from the TV to his foster father. "It is a Meg Ryan movie marathon," he tells Alfred.

The old butler's smile immediately falls and he just says, "Oh..."

"Why don't you join us Alfred?" Diana invites.

"Yes Alfred, why don't you join us?" Bruce echoes darkly.

"Um...I'd loved to, really, but as I said I must be off. Good night!" and with that he makes a hasty retreat.

Diana shrugs and the couple turns back to the screen as a between movie promo informs them that the next movie will be _Sleepless in Seattle_, followed by _You got Mail_, then_Kate and Leopold_. Bruce immediately begins to intently search his surroundings. "What are you doing?" the Amazon asks.

"Looking for a hard surface near at hand," he answers.

"Why?" she asks confused.

"Because if I find one I can bash my head against it and render myself unconscious," he truthfully replies.

"Oh come now Bruce, you've admitted to me that you haven't seen most of these movies," Diana says.

"I haven't, and there is a reason for that," he tells her.

"Really, and whats that?" she asks sardonically.

"I've avoided them like the plague," he answers.

Diana chuckles a little at that. "Well think of it this way my love; you have already survived more painful injury and hellish torture then most men could even imagine let alone stand, and after tonight you can add most of the Meg Ryan 'Chick Flicks' to the list of things you endured," she tells him.

In return Bruce narrows his eyes at her and says, "I'm so going to get you back for this."

"I know dear," Diana says before kissing him on the cheek and snuggling up against him. "Until then relax and enjoy the show."

As the movie begins the Batman looks at the screen sullenly and says, "I really hate this movie."

Diana takes hold of the end of the lasso and whispers, "Shush dear, and enjoy the film."

_The end. Reviews are always welcome._


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys! Here is the second and final chapter.

A few days after Bruce is mixing some drinks in his kitchen with an evil smile on his face. While normally he'd be as lost in his own kitchen as Clark would be in an S&M club, he reconned this little trip a few days ago so he'd be able to get everything done quickly. The microwave buzzed and he rushed over and opened it to find that (amazingly) the popcorn is not burnt. He quickly transfers the treat into a bowl and puts that in the center of a tray with a drink balanced on either side. He is just about to step out of the room when he remembers something, turns around, and grabs a big bendy straw from a cup and drops that into one of the mix drinks. As he walks to the stairs he looks over and sees a vary familiar red headed woman and dark haired man making out on his couch. "Don't you have your own furniture to do that on now?" Bruce asks.

Barbra and Dick turn to see him causing them both to blush, adjust their clothing, and rise to greet him. "Oh hey Bruce," Dick says. "We were going to meet Alfred here for something, but he called up and said he's be a little late, so we..."

"Got distracted," Barbra finishes for him. She walks over to kiss her almost uncle on the cheek, "Sorry we didn't think you'd be home, and with company it seems."

"Yeah, Diana and I are watching some movies upstairs," he explains.

"And you ran downstairs to get some treats? Wow Bruce thats all pretty sweet...and out of character," Dick says giving his mentor a suspicious look.

"And you're on my couch with a red head, which is completely in character for you," Bruce says with a half grin.

Barbra looks back at Dick with a raised eyebrow, "Is it?" she asks. All he can do is give an embarrassed shrug.

"Get the details from Alfred," Bruce whispers to her before he happily walks up the stairs. He quickly makes his way to his bedroom door where he slips inside and turns to his girlfriend and asks, "Did I miss anything while I was out?"

Diana looks over at him from the bed, her arms bound to her sides and her legs tied together with her own golden Lasso of Truth, and answers, "Just the most chauvinistic man to ever be portrayed on film."

Bruce grins as he slips into bed next to her. "I thought all women liked Sean Connery," he says as he puts the tray over her legs and raises her drink up where the straw can meet her lips.

After drinking a little of her tasty beverage she explains, "I have no problem with the actor, its the man he's playing that offends me."

"How so?" Bruce asks with a big grin on his face.

"For one, is there any woman in any of these films who is not more then ready to leap into bed with him?" she asks.

Bruce thinks for a moment. "Moneypenny?" Bruce answers.

"Who?" Diana asks.

"M's secretary, the woman who works for Bond's boss," Bruce explains.

Diana rolls her eyes, "The woman who really knows him and is obviously drooling over the man yet SHE is the only female he doesn't pounce on?"

"Well he doesn't think its a good idea to sleep with someone he works with on a constant basis," Bruce explains as he grabs a hand full of popcorn.

Diana glares at him. In response Bruce tosses a single piece of popcorn at her, which she catches in her mouth and munches on. She turns back to the TV for a bit before sighing. "Bruce how many of these are you going to make me watch?" she asks.

"Just the ones starring Sean Connery," he answers.

"Alright, how many is that?" she asks.

Bruce looks over at her and smiles, "Six."

"Six? We're only on the second one!" Diana exclaims.

"Yes and we still have _Goldfinger_, _Thunderball_, _You Only Live Twice_, and _Diamonds are Forever_ left to watch," he cheerfully explains.

The two go back to watching the movie for a bit until Diana exclaims, "Sex!"

"What?" Bruce asks, confused.

"I'm offering you sex if you end this marathon," Diana explains.

Bruce raises an eyebrow. "Diana, we have sex on a rather regular basis. In fact we just had sex this morning," he tells her.

"Oh not this kind of sex," the Amazon Princess says alluringly.

Bruce looks intrigued by this. "Really?" he asks. "Exactly what kind of sex are you referring to?"

"The kind the both of us know you want, but are always too polite and gentlemanly to ask for," she seductively answers.

Bruce snuggles in closer and kisses her on her big luscious lips. "Tempting, very tempting," he says with his face right next to hers. "But no," he answers backing away.

"Oh come on!" Diana moans.

"Sorry Diana, but what we're doing right now? This is vengeance," Bruce explains.

Diana turns back to the screen in a huff. After a little bit she says, "Now I hate Meg Ryan."

Bruce glances over at her, smiles, then picks up the remote and turns the DvD off. When his girlfriend looks over at him he grins and says, "I think we're even now Princess."

She slowly smiles then somehow without use of her hands, she knocks the tray off her and to the side and then pounces on him, and giving her lover a kiss. As Bruce begins releasing her from the Lasso she stops him saying, "No, stop. I like a challenge."

He gives her his half grin and says, "Princess none of those Bond girls have anything on you."

_The end...again. Please feel free to review!_


End file.
